My whole experience of church is wrapped up in music. I sang in my Catholic church choir from second grade until I left for college. I felt useful and I was honored to help enrich the church going experience of others. When I was confirmed, our priest asked my young little religious mind what I would do to change the church if I could. I said we should return to Latin masses that were sung through… I felt the music elevated our prayers.

I left home, went to college, and then moved to New York City. I met a priest when I moved to Long Island City, Father Ray. He was in AA recovery and a retired Army priest. He was a little bit grumpy, and I loved him. Father Ray heard me singing one day in mass and asked if I was an actress and was I performing in anything. I said ‘Yes,’ and then ‘No, not right now.’

Father Ray said we must use our gifts in all capacities so we made an agreement. If I wasn’t out of town performing in shows, I would lead the music for mass. I did that for a lot of years in between acting jobs until the congregation petitioned to get Father Ray fired. They didn’t like his past, or his crotchety demeanor and wanted to punish him for it. They succeeded, Father Ray went away, and my heart was broken. I grew disenchanted with a church that could allow this to happen.

**Saint Mary’s in Long Island City, NY where I lead 9am mass for many years.**

And then I discovered a zillion different places to find God, to communicate with him, and honor him. And none of these places were inside the walls of a church. So I stopped going. And believe me when I tell you, my spiritual life has never been diminished or lacking because of this decision.

When my dad was alive, still driving, and living at home, he went to church twice a week. He said he had a deal with God; he’d cover my absence by showing up twice. He’d go to mass early Wednesday morning for me and then Saturday night with our mom for his own spiritual purpose. He believed, based on a biblical quote that I am unable to find, that “Unless you cross the doors of my house, there will not be a place for you in heaven.” (If you know this correct reference, please help me out in the comments!)

My dad sacrificed a lot for me. But this act of two weekly masses was one of the most generous. He just wanted to secure my place in heaven. So beautiful, right?

We never debated about religion, we had really spirited discussions. My dad converted to Catholicism to marry my mom, he was a leader in our church, and incredibly faithful. Dad was concerned that since my spiritual journey took a detour from Catholicism that I’d completely lost my way.

I reminded my dad, the driver’s ed teacher, that detours still get us where we’re going. I assured him, that everyone has different spiritual paths, different practices, and beliefs — but above all, God is God whether we believe them to be blue, male, white and bearded, a woman, or just simply A Higher Power.

I told him that I stopped going to church because I feel closer to God outside in nature. He’s with me when I’m looking at flowers, gazing at the moon, and in places where I can better appreciate his gifts. I told him that church isn’t just a once a week thing for me. It is an always thing. Because God is everywhere. Everywhere.

I shared with my dad that some of my deepest prayer and meditation happen when I am singing or dancing. When I am in museums looking at art. When I am in concert halls listening to musicians share their God given gifts. These are divine experiences. I feel like God is talking to me through artistic expression and that I’m witnessing something sacred and holy.

I asked my dad to stop his twice-a-week church going because I didn’t think God was in the business of denying anyone anything. And that I didn’t believe the gates of heaven would open or close based on someone’s tally of masses attended. He didn’t like it, but he understood my request.

A few weeks ago, one of the the greatest ‘Churches Of Music’ opened its doors after a lengthy and expensive renovation. New York City’s David Geffen Hall, formerly the Avery Fisher Hall, and home to the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, had acoustic troubles. These troubles had a price tag to the ‘tune’ of $550 million dollars for the re-do. Mr. Geffen personally gifted $100 million to kickstart the project.

ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS!

I was fortunate enough to attend one of the opening events of the hall. My all time favorite musician, MacArther Genius, mandolin playing, and Grammy award winner Chris Thile, is hosting The 65th Street Sessions. (There are 3 more shows coming up, you can go too!)

I have been an admirer and an audience member of Chris’s shows in NYC since 1999. He’s created a score to my whole adult life almost. I’ve had the great good fortune to meet him quite a few times and hear his music in intimate settings.

Chris’s music makes me emotional.

It reminds me to breathe.

It reminds me to dream.

It suspends time.

It makes anything seem possible.

It takes me back to times I was in love.

It is full of joy. And genius.

And It makes me feel like I’m in church — a sacred space, listening to holy music.

That evening of the 65th Street Session in the brand new David Geffen Hall, I snuffled back tears behind my mask. In describing the 65th Street Sessions, Chris said there would be structure, but also unplanned parts. He said they would be leaving space for God to walk into the room… God was definitely in the room. And so I cried. For Father Ray, for my Dad, for God’s presence manifesting through Chris’s artistry…

I attended the concert with my friend Adam. He’s been my seat mate for many, many Chris Thile nights of music. We sat by the fountain in front of Lincoln Center afterward to suspend the magic of the evening. We talked about our shared love of music and how sacred it is to us.

I told Adam how I’d cooked for David Geffen before, how my first performing job in NYC was singing in a children’s opera at Avery Fisher Hall, and how crazy my life is that I don’t sing anymore but now I’m a cook. Adam said he could tell I was really emotional during the show. He asked if I wanted to talk about it. I answered him, “Well, I really want to write about it!”

So here we are. Thank you for reading.

Chris’s first band Nickel Creek released ‘Smoothie Song’ in 2002 and I’m sharing a recipe for a smoothie to accompany this blog. Funny enough, this exact week in 2014 I shared this smoothie recipe in a blog called Pick And Choose. (All) Good things deserve a repeat!